Categorized | Stress

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Ineffective Ways to Deal With Stress – When Positive Speech Fails

When you are stressed, you try to make yourself feel better. One very common technique is to change your speech into more positive language. It seems helpful and sound–what could be wrong with being positive? You’re not indulging in the obvious bad ways to deal with stress–over eating, alcohol, chocolate, yelling at your kids. You know these are destructive, and you don’t need an e-zine article to tell you these stress responses are not good.

So you decide to be more positive.

But does it work?

It is very “hip” thinking to re-phrase many misfortunes into language that appears to be positive. Problems are challenges or opportunities. You don’t admit a boss treats us poorly; you look for the lesson the universe is trying to send you. Every difficult period in your life is an opportunity for growth or a transition.

The truth of reframing is that our attitude goes a long way into how you interpret your situation. Undeniably, contentment is present in every moment, in every situation. Only your attitude obscures it.

The destructiveness in reframing is in the denial of reality . Sometimes you really are angry, sad or discontented. Sometimes you feel rage. Choosing different words for your feelings doesn’t change the core emotions.

In fact, choosing false words to describe your emotions creates even more stress. Falsely reframing shows a lack of acceptance for what is really happening in your life. You are resisting and fighting it. You have a discomfort with darkness and a preference for light.

You see, while it is good to invite a positive outlook into your life, simply changing your vocabulary doesn’t do it . It can be a piece of the puzzle but it is not the whole picture.

Instead, one of the effective ways to deal with stress is to take the role of kind observer. Watch yourself for negativity and stress. Observe when it happens. Then, and this next step is the hardest– accept whatever is happening . Let yourself be stressed. Let yourself go through the experience in the same way a loving parent lets their child make a mistake.

As you observe the stress and whatever difficult emotions are behind it, experience it and become aware of all the ins and outs. In doing this, you will automatically become aware of the fool-hardiness of it. You will become more positive from your core. Your vocabulary will change to reflect this, only it will no long be artificial.

Sometimes it is important to “act as if.” You can act as if you are not stressed, and if that is working for you, if your body truly relaxes, keep at it. But when these ways to deal with stress repeatedly fail, when you have reframed and refocused and rethought every emotion you have, maybe it is time for a new plan. Maybe you should accept yourself, stress and all, and through acceptance you will find relaxation.

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